Spirit Level - I am that I am

Self-talk is not something to be taken lightly. Saying things like “I can’t carry a tune, I’m tone deaf.” whilst it can be an expression of mock humility maybe it is true... for now. How do you know? What if saying this is why you haven't become better? Sing because you love to. If all people thought they had to be perfect in order to love something or try something, we'd all be sunk. What I wanted to say has nothing to do with singing, or maybe it has everything to do with it... It does have to do with your voice.... your inner voice.

Things we tell ourselves from a belief can be saying far more than what we hope to convey. Our brain hears everything we say to ourselves and is a people-pleasing machine. Its loyalty to us is unrivalled by anyone, and if we are mindful, it can be our greatest ally. If not, it can hold us back from a whole other world. If we ask it a question, it will go far and wide in its database, using all means at its disposal to answer us — even guiding us towards situations that will support our latest theory, tuning our ears to things that align with our thoughts: a TV show, a road sign… anything.

Something I became more aware of were the words I would say after “I am…” Maybe it was my struggle to learn a new language, but it dawned on me how many things I would say throughout the day (in English) that connected my whole being with that thing. The phrase “I am hungry” takes on a whole new perspective when it is removed by just one degree from the self. In French, one would say “I have hunger” which, in essence, is more accurate. Direct translations became easier to understand and started me on my own mindful movement to become more aware of what I was saying to myself.

English is spoken around the world, but in each culture there are translations that mimic their beliefs. For instance, when living in Bali I learned there was no future or past tense — only the present. As frustrating as this was to get work done, when an assistant would say “I send,” I’d find myself trying to get to the bottom of it in a series of comical questions: “So what you’re saying is, it’s been sent already? Or are you going to send it some time in the future?” To be met with doe-eyed confusion. They live in the present, so why wouldn’t their language reflect that?

Since moving to Europe and through language, I’ve learned a valuable distinction: having a need, feeling, doing, or possessing something is not the same as being something. I know that this is an oversimplification of any language and the various rules that apply, and in some cases this is not actually correct — so please do not learn French by this naïve observation. What it did, is bring on an “aha!” moment of something I would like to be more aware of in my everyday life. Who am I versus what am I experiencing in this (temporary) moment in time? Somehow, saying I have something is easier to change than actually being it.

The question then became: what is it I would like or choose to attach my beingness to? I am kind, I am strong, capable, authentic, loving, living my best life, connected… this list goes on and on but, if I only had these things, couldn’t I then lose them? Being them holds more weight and makes them a part of me, not something I carry in my back pocket.

In contrast, emotions are “I am”, not “I have”, which would suggest they don’t belong to anyone else. They are there for me, and me only, to figure out what they mean, the messages they are sending and to give me the choice of what to do about them, and ultimately who I want to BE differently because of them.

In any language, I hope this sparks a mindful moment of gentle reflection for you as well. What will you have, need or be today? Today, I am grateful. Grateful that you are here reading this and most grateful for any comments or thoughts you might have.