The Myth of the fixed path" - Lets see where this goes...

From a fairly young age, I always felt the need to choose a direction. A kind of path.

A version of myself that made the most sense to whatever situation I found myself in. We moved around more than most, so adapting was a key skill I had to learn early.

And once I chose that direction - once I rearranged my room to suit me, I set my personal sails to suit the local wind, the expectation was simple: stick with it, Vanessa.

There was a comfort in that idea. One that I definitely brought from adolescence to adulthood. A kind of invisible structure that told me if I just keep going - keep moving forward, keep making decisions that made sense, everything would eventually fall into place.

It gave me something to hold onto. A sense that I was doing it “right.” But somewhere along the way, that mostly self-taught, inner guidance became something else... A pretty constant pressure. A performance.

Because what happens when the path no longer fits? When that version of ourselves we keep on having to select… isn’t quite who we want to be anymore?

We don’t always notice it at first. It begins quietly and a bit subtly. A hesitation where there used to be certainty. A question we can’t quite answer. A feeling - hard to name - that something is slightly off. And yet, we just feel we must just keep going. Because turning around and doing something different, feels like failure. Like admitting we got it wrong. Like all the time, effort, and energy we’ve invested might somehow be wasted.

So we just carry on. Not always because it feels right, but because it feels expected of us.

But life has a way of interrupting neat plans or expectations. It nudges us - and not always that gently. It doesnt really want to stay within the lines we’ve drawn for it. And I always loved to color inside the lines...

So a few times in my life, I have found myself pausing and even looking around, thinking "How did I get here?" or "How did this relationship get there"?

It's not dramatic in the sense of "drama" - although beleive me, there is always some drama or chaos I get asked to invest in.. but it's a more kind of human sense of realizing that I am walking a path that just no longer belongs to me.

What if that moment isn’t a problem that I have to solve? What if it’s something else entirely?

We tend to think of life as a series of decisions we must commit to. As though choosing a direction means staying loyal to it - no matter what.

But perhaps that’s where we’ve misunderstood it.

Because life isn’t fixed. It doesn't happen in straight lines. And it certainly isn’t something we get “right” the first time. Or the second..

It moves and responds. Things in life evolve - normally way faster than we do. And the idea that we’re meant to choose once and follow through indefinitely…might be one of the quietest myths we carry around with us.

But hey...nothing is wasted. Not the detours. Not the time spent in places or with people we’ve simply outgrown. Not even the moments that feel, in hindsight, like mistakes.

They shape us. They inform us and they teach us - if we are willing. They bring us closer, sometimes indirectly, to what feels true.

What we often call a “wrong turn”is simply a turn we didn’t expect. I often use a good quote I once heard in Bali - "A bend in the road is not the end of the road". I like that one. The truth is, we are allowed to change direction.

Not dramatically. Not all at once. But quietly, gradually and honestly.

Me personally? I have definitely noticed a slight shift in how I respond. Or choose not to. A different choice where my default was to go along with the stress or the disrespect or the accusations. A willingness to listen to some inner voise that I had been guilty of ignoring.

So direction isn’t something we find once. It’s something we adjust, as many times as we feel we want to adjust. Again and again, if necessary. It was never meant to be a straight line.

I just kept trying to walk it like it was one.

And perhaps the real shift isn’t in finding the “right” path, but in realizing we were never forced into following one in the first place.