Spirit Level - The gift we forget to open.

December is often called the month of giving — wrapped boxes, warm gestures, small surprises left on doorsteps. But for every act of giving, there is an act of receiving. And strangely, that’s the part many of us find to be the harder of the two to do with grace.

We all know the feeling when someone offers a compliment and we respond with, “What, this old thing?” Someone reaches out to help and we say, “No, no, I’m fine,” even when we’re absolutely not fine. Someone gives generously and instead of joy, we feel a flutter of guilt.

So why can we receive some things easily, and others not so easy? Or, not at all?

Most of the time, it comes down to the simple human fear of being judged and am I worth? Do I deserve it? Will I seem needy? Am I comfortable in this spotlight? Will they want something in return that I can’t give?

Whatever the inner dialogue, it boils down to the imagined judgement of others, and the quiet, often harsher judgement we place on ourselves. One thing to mention here is, this is a learned behavior and knee-jerk reaction to conditioning. It can be unlearned when we redefine and recognize receiving as a gift in return. We know how good it feels when we give something and the other shows sheer delight and gratitude. To receive with such warmth and genuine delight at the thought is a way of giving back, not of taking away. We know how good it feels to give, so why would we rob someone else of that same feeling?

Receiving is not selfish. Receiving is an act of connection — a way of saying “I see your kindness. I honor it and I am grateful for it.”

Most of us learned early in life, without even understanding it, whether it felt safe to receive attention, affection, generosity, or praise or not. We picked up tiny rules that shaped our beliefs that receiving is either good or bad. Don’t take too much. Don’t need anything. Don’t inconvenience anyone. Don’t shine too brightly. Be humble.

Whatever the underlying message of moments when we needed things, we come away feeling it is easier to give than to receive. When, in actuality, they are just two halves of the human experience. When we receive with openness, we complete the circle. One doesn’t just breathe in air, we must also breathe out. There are times to give and times to receive. It’s all about balance.

What if this December, we do things a little differently, kind of like trying on those new trainers? What if we view receiving as much a gift as giving? It’s as much a gift to ourselves as it is to the giver.

These are just ways you can be open to receiving:

When someone pays you a compliment, take it in, accept it and feel what it was meant to say. Let it land. How does that feel?

If you are lifting something heavy or just have too many pans on the go, if someone offers a helping hand, instead of brushing it off, perhaps just think of accepting the help, not to fulfill a specific need, but as an invitation for the company and allowing someone to contribute and feel that they are a part of things. We don’t have to do things alone even if we are capable.

Receiving is not a sign of weakness or being less than. It’s an opportunity to show our gratitude. It’s a way to let people in. It says to your nervous system “I’m worth it”.

So as the year closes, may your December be full of quiet moments of mindfulness that remind you that generosity flows both ways.

Sometimes the greatest gift is not what we give…but what we allow ourselves to receive.

Our gift to you this season. May you wear it well.