February 14th - An Ode to Flying Solo...

Being single on Valentine's Day, is not everyone's dream scenario. We are bombarded with noisy, brass band-volume messaging around the normal of being smack in the middle of chocolate box relationship land, where heart-shaped balloons are such fun, and a piece of heart-shaped toast pops out of the hearty toaster and you both giggle at the sweetness of it all.

Valentine's Day sucks so badly for some of us, that it has an actual negative, psychological effect. Of course Saint Valentine himself, didn't mean to single out the singletons to either pair up or be miserable, but let's admit it - the joy can vary widely. For some, it's just the best day ever for others, perhaps their first Feb 14th alone, for fifty years.

So let's leave the "best day ever" crowd to put their roses in a vase, make heart-shaped cookies and eat their bodyweight in bonbons. For that happy majority, the Valentine holiday will surely serve as a source of joy and connection, strengthening bonds with loved ones. Good on ya.

For the rest, who are a minus one away from having a "plus one", there is something oddly isolating about a holiday devoted to loving connection. But hey, this is Platform 13 - the home of the wider lens..

Perhaps we can gently suggest that Valentine's Day has enough loving largesse not just to celebrate couplehood, but to boldly table the motion that love is not reserved for romance. To return to the subject of love, in relation to self...

Self-love has a bit of a below-average reputation. It can conjure up images of catchy motivational jingles, bath bombs and a wholesale obligation to feel and look radiant at all times. This unfortunatism is not helped by the fact that we live in a society where nothing is ever enough. We are not popular enough, skinny enough, "followed" (not stalked...) enough, rich enough...blah blah enough. So Valentine's Day feels like another slap. You are not a couple enough. You are not a couple at all..

So how do we find "enoughness"? Where does that live?

Perhaps it's about waking up each day, and saying with confident certainty, that whatever I do today, whatever gets done or doesn't get done - I'm enough. Ergo, I am worthy of love, and belonging, and joy. Self love really is that quiet. It allows us to engage with the world from a position of worthiness, self-respect and self-trust.

If we start the day with even a whisper of "I am not enough" we are living in the scarcity bubble where very little can penetrate aside from more scarcity. More self-loathing, less joy and zero vulnerability. And that vulnerability - that risk of failure, or uncomfortable exposure of being this or that - is the birthplace of everything that is good in our lives. So the risk is here, that the ghost of Saint Valentine might try and nudge the single people into that area of being seen as "less than". Not as worthy. Incomplete.

Utter Nonsense.

Feb 14th does not have to highlight absence. It can signify real presence. To sit in the glory of self, as an act of devotion. It is the finest expression of Me, Myself, I... Wait..that's 3 of us now. Ha ! "Table for three, please.."

So perhaps Valentine’s Day, for the solo souls out there, is not a day to "get through" or endure, nor to outsource our worth to a bunch of red heart balloons. Perhaps it is simply a moment to dress up the definition of love beyond its narrow, commercial costume.

Because love is not a binary state or a dinner booking, or proof that you are doing life correctly. Love of self is a practice.

It is the way you speak to yourself when no one else is listening. The way you care for your own heart without waiting for someone else to hold it first. The way you show up for your friends, your family, your community, and yes — for yourself — as though connection is something we are allowed to cultivate in all directions.

So if today is a little tender, let it be tender. If it is quiet, let it be quiet. Light the candle anyway. Eat the chocolate anyway. Take yourself for a walk, call someone you miss, tell a friend you love them with reckless sincerity.

And if nothing else, let February 14th be a small reminder that you are not behind. You are not incomplete. You are not a “minus one.” You are a whole, breathing, worthy human person, entirely capable of love, entirely deserving of it, and already seated at the table.

Table for three, indeed.

Happy Valentine’s Day, from all of us.